man,what can i even say to u, lehman brothers? that u sort of tantalized me at the very beginning and continuously shedding a huge ribbon of light of hope into my world afterwards for the past 2 months while eventually deprived me of everything leaving me nothing but a has-been delusion?
now it seems soooo empty, soooo quite, not even any spark of hope left. all my efforts have been turned into vain, a piece of worthless crap. i still cannot believe that why on earth this actually happened?? give me one reason, God...since i just cannot understand it....it's like i've been much toooo pathetic and unlucky for years and i've been going thru varioius rejections for like, say, countless times...why can't i just amount to sth??? ok, the worse is that, i always get rejected at the very last minute...i'm soooo stereotyped of being competitive all along the way while eventually getting turned down. this just sucks big time. i just fucking hate it.
oh, lehman, how can i say that i hate u?sorry for being rude...i should feel sooo grateful to u that u took an interest in me in the first place. "u cannot always win". that's down right the truth!i know it. well i just never expected that finding a summer internship is that harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd...
while, i can expect a long torturing summer, goofing off...doing nothing specific...life sucks.
星期五, 六月 08, 2007
Man, this is killing me...
Shooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot!!! yet another paper got rejected!! i just dont get it? why on earth would it get rejected??boy, doing research is never funny...
besides, the long, endless, tiresome, hideous waiting ordeal is absolutely killing me...please, lehman brothers, what took u so long to render a decision? i'm perfect for this job! trust me!
God, believe me, nobody would be more suitable for this!I've got my qualifications and I WILL dedicate myself completely to this internship if I can get it! please, just let this happen soon! i've been so mentally tired of this waiting period, fidgeting about everything while losing the attraction to anything else...
Dear Lehman Brothers, my Lord, please, just let me have it...
besides, the long, endless, tiresome, hideous waiting ordeal is absolutely killing me...please, lehman brothers, what took u so long to render a decision? i'm perfect for this job! trust me!
God, believe me, nobody would be more suitable for this!I've got my qualifications and I WILL dedicate myself completely to this internship if I can get it! please, just let this happen soon! i've been so mentally tired of this waiting period, fidgeting about everything while losing the attraction to anything else...
Dear Lehman Brothers, my Lord, please, just let me have it...
星期一, 六月 04, 2007
Fidgetin'
It's never funny to wait for the result of sth that is extraordinarily important to u while at the same time nothing constructive can be done at the moment. that's exactly what i'm goin' thru right now...
damn, this is hard...the results for my toefl test score plus my application for lehman brothers both will come out by this friday...everyday, the first thing i gotta do when i turned on my laptop is to check my gmail account as well as the toefl ibt official website. life is packed with nerve and anxiety. what escalates all this is that i dont even have sth that can serve as a vent, thru which i can effectively let go my feelings. i just feel extremely emotionally drained, no, also physically drained, since the fucking insomnia has almost killed me...
confidants are so hard to have, as least in my case...i've been complaining about this ever since i became conscious. mom keeps on tellin' me that: stop being picky! what's the problem with that girl? why not just hang out with her?? i said, oh no, mom, u dont get it...i'd rather goof myself off than having the company of someone who is really boring and inane. my dad introduced me to this typically plastic and materialistic girl who works here in beijing. actually, i've been hanging out with her almost everyday for the past two weeks while i'm waiting for the results. My mom is really mad and disappointed when she got to know that i would sleep over at her place again yesterday. she yelled at me: what can u get from her? she's sooo empty and shallow! oh yeah, that's dead-on...but i cannot get anything from others anyway...plus, life is such a burden for me right now, i'd rather find some place where i can feel totally relieved and comfortable...a place where i can escape from the doggone stress and uptightness.
dear mom, i hope u could understand...it's not like that i judge people only according to their exterior, but the psychological burden is really freakin' me out...i do need a psychiatrist, for a neurotic and paranoid girl like me...anyways, please dont stop prayin' for me...God, please let me go thru this eventually! just let me have them! right now they are the only cure!
damn, this is hard...the results for my toefl test score plus my application for lehman brothers both will come out by this friday...everyday, the first thing i gotta do when i turned on my laptop is to check my gmail account as well as the toefl ibt official website. life is packed with nerve and anxiety. what escalates all this is that i dont even have sth that can serve as a vent, thru which i can effectively let go my feelings. i just feel extremely emotionally drained, no, also physically drained, since the fucking insomnia has almost killed me...
confidants are so hard to have, as least in my case...i've been complaining about this ever since i became conscious. mom keeps on tellin' me that: stop being picky! what's the problem with that girl? why not just hang out with her?? i said, oh no, mom, u dont get it...i'd rather goof myself off than having the company of someone who is really boring and inane. my dad introduced me to this typically plastic and materialistic girl who works here in beijing. actually, i've been hanging out with her almost everyday for the past two weeks while i'm waiting for the results. My mom is really mad and disappointed when she got to know that i would sleep over at her place again yesterday. she yelled at me: what can u get from her? she's sooo empty and shallow! oh yeah, that's dead-on...but i cannot get anything from others anyway...plus, life is such a burden for me right now, i'd rather find some place where i can feel totally relieved and comfortable...a place where i can escape from the doggone stress and uptightness.
dear mom, i hope u could understand...it's not like that i judge people only according to their exterior, but the psychological burden is really freakin' me out...i do need a psychiatrist, for a neurotic and paranoid girl like me...anyways, please dont stop prayin' for me...God, please let me go thru this eventually! just let me have them! right now they are the only cure!
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