guys r not trustworthy

it's not the first time i've been told that it's plain stupid to trust guys. well, people keep on tellin me that, even musicians keep on endorsin such a caution in their lyrics all the time. but honestly, nothing speaks louder than the situation u've been through in person. and this time, i got seriously hurt...and cheated and betrayed...and it's somewhat a good thing that now i've become more perceptive and discernin, and of course stronger and wiser. thank u, JERK!

well, one month ago, i definitely dare not write a post about this shitty and unmemorable relationship. yeah, how can one do that if she still cannot help herself to tears? i cried myself a river, my heart was bleedin and with him, i just lost all my pride, dignity and confidence.
when everything was about to be over, i struggled my ass off to salvage it...how stupid it was, huh?for a guy like that?? a guy who even doesnt know to cherish something he might not deserve?

yeah, i've been really really stupid....it's almost not me...it's always i who dump guys, guys never dump me for god's sake!! and everytime i'm in a relationship, i'm lovin and nurturin and indeed considerate and most important, monogamous. i dont know whether u've been honest with me or not, if not, then u'r a prick; if yes, then u'r just simply irresponsible. either way, it's the same for me.

yeah, u'r cute, but what's the point of being cute if he's not responsible? the world is never running short of cute guys. though i used to like u, i love myself more. i have to do sth to save myself from this purgatory...since i'm not ur everythin, how about i be nothin?
so i made up my mind to get u out of my head for good. and actually, as a matter of fact, it turned out to be a really good idea. now my life is normal:) i dont have to be fidgetin about someone like u, and i dont care what's goin on with u anymore. u dont mean nothin to me now, babe.

and girls, listen up, never stick with a guy who treats u like trash. since a nice guy would never do that to someone he really likes.

yeah, thanks dad, mom, my dear girls, i dont think i can pull through without u guys. now my life has gone back to normal and everythin is starting to get well again:) when u'r in a pickle, or at the verge of crackin up, just push urself to make a decision. believe me, everythin will become much easier!

intimidated

basically, a girl like me is not supposed to have that much stress and concern; however, i just cannot help being fidgetin' and paranoid all the time, every fuckin day, every minute and every second...

what the hell is goin on? can't anybody see there's a problem here? i work my ass off every day, man...i study and studay, and finish what i should do like a sheer idiot...i've been so intimidated by some even subtle possibilities of rejections, that's why i've pushing myself to an extreme for like, say, years already...while all the others seem to have a good time around, i'm sittin there, workin' and agonizin'!!

yeah, i'm a poor, pathetic and lonely workaholic...90% of my time is spent on some boring stuff...sometimes i'm acting like a hoe, really, but that only involves dancin', and THAT'S IT! and of course i dont feel quite well after that...but that's not supposed to be a reason to deprive me of everything, is it???

yeah, why i say this? since today i got a rejection AGAIN!! gosh, i hate u!! i've been rejected probably numerous times already, ever since the beginning of this torturin semester!!
it makes me feel like a loser....but u know, i'm NOT a loser, am I??? i'm pretty, intelligent and consientious, i know pretty well what i want, and i work on it seriously! i've never been as determined or perseverant as NOW!
however, my tolerance and dignity are NOT infinite!!! u gotta give me some FAITH, please!!

dude, this is shit....life is shit..researchin is shit...relationship is SHIT!!!! everything sucks!!