intimidated

basically, a girl like me is not supposed to have that much stress and concern; however, i just cannot help being fidgetin' and paranoid all the time, every fuckin day, every minute and every second...

what the hell is goin on? can't anybody see there's a problem here? i work my ass off every day, man...i study and studay, and finish what i should do like a sheer idiot...i've been so intimidated by some even subtle possibilities of rejections, that's why i've pushing myself to an extreme for like, say, years already...while all the others seem to have a good time around, i'm sittin there, workin' and agonizin'!!

yeah, i'm a poor, pathetic and lonely workaholic...90% of my time is spent on some boring stuff...sometimes i'm acting like a hoe, really, but that only involves dancin', and THAT'S IT! and of course i dont feel quite well after that...but that's not supposed to be a reason to deprive me of everything, is it???

yeah, why i say this? since today i got a rejection AGAIN!! gosh, i hate u!! i've been rejected probably numerous times already, ever since the beginning of this torturin semester!!
it makes me feel like a loser....but u know, i'm NOT a loser, am I??? i'm pretty, intelligent and consientious, i know pretty well what i want, and i work on it seriously! i've never been as determined or perseverant as NOW!
however, my tolerance and dignity are NOT infinite!!! u gotta give me some FAITH, please!!

dude, this is shit....life is shit..researchin is shit...relationship is SHIT!!!! everything sucks!!